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  • Writer's pictureTate Kerkhoff

10 Tips on Finding Love Again.

Updated: Jan 6

1. Open the door to the possibility. This is the toughest for most of us. We are trapped in limiting beliefs and past stories that we are not lovable, capable or able to find the love we desire. Love is wild, love can rip you around like a hurricane. In order to call in the love you desire, you must open the door to the winds of love and let them take you to places you never imagined. Heart open, heart full. 2. Do your own work, heal, be aware of your patterns. We are creatures of habit. We are doomed to repeat and get stuck in old habits and patterns. In order to call in the love you desire you must be able to look deep inside yourself and see what you’re bringing to the table. We all contributed to our relationship downfalls, when you can own what you’ve taken part in, you can be free from the chains these old stories have wrapped around you. If you want to find a grand love, you must do grand work. 3. Get crystal clear on what you want. You must be brutally honest with yourself and with any potential partner. What is it that you truly want? Safety, to be seen, to be heard? Are you able to communicate this to the universe? We must make it clear what we are trying to call in. We must be absolute in our intention. When we divert from this, the universe sends you exactly what you need. 4. Make a list of these wants, and non-negotiables. We all have wish lists, and that is exactly what they are, wish lists. Let’s not forget we are all human and there is no perfection. This does not mean we can’t put together a list of non-negotiables for our potential matches. Being aware of the red flags from previous relationships and setting the expectations and intentions that you are pure in what you want. Remember, you aren’t perfect either, or sometimes the most unlikely scenario may pop up. 5. Do not fill your time with any self-depreciating behaviors. Start new, healthy habits and practice taking care of yourself, your needs. Often when we are down on our luck with love we will turn to things like alcohol, drugs, meaningless sex, porn and other self-sabotaging acts. Any time and energy spent on these will lead you to just that, time and energy spent on useless activities. If you’re truly seeking the love you desire, read a book, go to the gym, join a group, write a blog. Choose to be actively positive in your life. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. Drunken nights out will result in drunken relationships. 6. Which leads us to our next step. Surround yourself with others who are optimistic about love and or successful in their own relationships. Believe it or not there are thriving, happy and meaningful relationships out there. Chances are there are a few right in front of your face. Seek out those who are up front about the truth in relationships. Truth is they are not all glamorous and they do take work. When you connect with couples that work through their issues and find joy on the other side it will ultimately give you the sense that there is hope out there! 7. Date yourself. WTF? Yeah, imagine what it would be like to date you. So, try it out. Get to know yourself on a deep level. Ask yourself the tough questions. Are you able to sit with yourself? Are you able to admit the tough things you may be thinking? What scary questions would you ask yourself? Can you sit with yourself? Do you like you? 8. And on to the next. Can you be alone? We often jump into something we really don’t want simply because we don’t like being alone. You could probably ask anyone in a thriving relationship how they found love and they’ll tell you it happened when they least expected it, and it was when they were most comfortable with themselves and being single. 9. Be open to new circles, social groups, dating apps. Open energetically to all possibilities. This can be difficult to get out of our normal everyday thinking. Especially with the nightmares we hear about dating apps. Just remember for every nightmare there is a fairy tale story as well. There are successful dating app stories. INCLUDING ME! When we open our hearts to any possibility and we put ourselves out there for the world to see, the world will give back in spades. 10. Fight the fear that you may get hurt. You are worthy of love. Love is fucking scary. Let’s get it straight. To truly embark on a Hollywood written love story, you must be willing to be Hollywood love story hurt. When we are vulnerable, we can call in vulnerable. We all want to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid of losing in love, it’s how we learn, how we grow. There’s no shame in trying to love like you’ve never loved before. If more of us did, more of us would thrive in love.

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