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  • Writer's pictureTate Kerkhoff

10 Tips to turn up the heat this winter

Winter can be long and cold for some of us. Especially with holiday stress and traveling and finances. Many couples split up during or after because of this. It doesn’t have to be this way! Try these few things to keep the fire going when it’s cold as fuck outside, or in your relationship. A little friction can build a big fire!

1) Practice and perfect cuddling – I mean who doesn’t want to be cuddled? This is a great way to put each other first. Put the phones down, leave work at work and just fucking cuddle. The cool thing about cuddling, you can legit do it anywhere. Best place to cuddle, in front of a cozy fire with some music. I’ll get into this one in a minute.

2) Date each other, recapture the honeymoon phase. – I constantly hear, I just want to feel like I felt I the honeymoon phase. OK! So do it! Give each other gifts, leave notes, back rubs, get a hotel for a night, dinner somewhere new. The possibilities for this are literally endless. Commit to each other and be present. Everything will come to you. Treat them like you want to be treated, trust me, it works.

3) Buy new lingerie, get some candles, new bedding, perfume – Perfect gift ideas! Anything that makes you feel sexy and get into the mood! Nothing sexier to a man than a woman feeling herself (you know what I mean, wink wink). Send a sexy pic throughout the day.

4) Utilize “found moments.” - Kissing in the kitchen, dancing while the water boils, neck smooches in the car, hot and heavy meet up in the bathroom. Surprise them with a visit to their work. When we create these moments, we build connection, we start a fire. Speaking of fire, what’s better than a glass of wine in front of the fire with music?

5) Surprise each other, gifts, outings, get aways. – We all love a little spontaneity. What a better way to connect and rekindle than to show up with a surprise. Buy a sexy outfit, plan a weekend in a hotel where you don’t leave the room. On a budget? Fix your bedroom up for a weekend of at home play.

6) Self-care – We need to take care of our bodies inside and out. Get to a spa, or gym. Get a mani/pedi. Eat real foods. Spend time meditating. When we take care of ourselves, we are taking care of each other and the relationship.

7) Reconnect daily. - Send an old photo of a great memory. Write a silly poem. Facetime them out of nowhere. Spend 5 minutes just looking into each other’s eyes. Sit together with no distractions, no phones, TV. One big ritual that EVERY couple should be doing is greeting their partner when they get home. Give them a hug, kiss. Embrace. It can set the tone for the entire evening.

8) Be attentive in conversation. – Eye contact. If they are speaking to you, leave the phone down. A simple hand on a thigh or holding a hand while you’re chatting can go a long way. We can give each other a few minutes of our undivided attention. This will lead to more undivided attention.

9) Ask your partner what they need from you and honor their request. – We’ve lost all ability to ask for what we need. When we communicate needs, we not only open the dialogue for things we may have never asked for, but we also help the other person understand where you’re coming from. Speak kindly and receive kindly. When a need is expressed and the request is honored, there is safety. Safety leads to communication, communication leads to…. well, you know.

10) Make appointments for sexy time! - We live in a world of busy schedules, there is no shame in scheduling a little love making. Make sure it’s known by each that it’s a priority to connect at an intimate level. Send a text from the other room. “Hey, come to the bedroom for a business meeting.” Get playful, make it a game. “K I’ll be home at 5, in bed at 5:01.” Commit to multiple times a week.

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