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  • Writer's pictureTate Kerkhoff

10 Ways to eliminate stress in your love life

Let’s get real. Relationships are tough. This should be seen as a good thing. If we want to grow, we must go through the pain. While we know any valuable relationship will have its struggles, we can do more to reduce the stress we cause on each other. Here are a few helpful hints.

1. It all starts with communication. This is one of the cornerstones of any relationship. If you aren’t willing to communicate openly and honestly, you are not going to get past the first step of any stress or conflict. We all have needs and requests. Are you able to speak to either? Is your partner? Get clear on what you need, what you want from each other. Be respectful and honor requests.

2. Set clear boundaries. Our partners need to know where to draw the line. If we can’t communicate what our boundaries are and stick to them, we’ll consistently be pushed into feeling emotions we aren’t wanting due to resentment, and defensiveness. Stay true to yourself, and true to your partner.

3. Requests for love/care. Speaking of requests. We need to get more open and honest about what we need when it comes to love and affection. What would it be like if everyone in the relationship understood the power of a hug? Practice turning toward each other instead of turning away. Err on the side of doing the nice thing versus the negative. You’ll never be punished for giving extra love. We all need more of it.

4. Shared vision/Foundation to thrive. This is critical, and something that can be discussed, altered at any point in any relationship. All you need to do is get on the same page. When each participant has a vested interest in the relationship and chooses to be stakeholders in their future you will build an unbreakable foundation. Two people moving toward the same goal is far greater than each moving toward an individual goal.

5. Trust and Safety. Why is it that we always move away from promoting a trusting and safe relationship? As humans we self-sabotage and actively sacrifice these two key components to a relationship. Men, hear me when I say, WOMEN WANT SAFETY. How do you do this? Be present, stay grounded, and validate her emotions. When a woman is safe, a portal for you will open. Trust me on this, and I’ll share ore of that when we get into sex.

6. An effective conflict management plan. This must be built over time and with each of you willing to put in the work. What I’ve found in my relationship is that when we actively discuss things and prioritize each other’s needs we can get ahead of the conflict itself. When an inevitable conflict does arise. Having laid the groundwork and actively communicating about what has worked to resolve, you will find you each move through it quicker. Then you can get straight to the makeup sex!

7. Space apart. Space. We all need it, even if it’s for a few moments. Being respectful of each other’s space, even when you share space is critical. This means you must communicate. “Hey babe, I’m gonna go for a walk, I am not abandoning you, I just need a few minutes, can we reconnect in a half hour or so?” Requests like this are a must, to be spoken and honored. This will build trust and a path to a quicker resolution when each person feels safe to get and give space.

8. Play Did we forget how to have fun? Why are we not still doing the playful things we did when we started dating? Go out, do something spontaneous. Plan a trip, play a game. No money to do anything crazy? Cook a meal together, wait on each other, role play. Use your imagination.

9. Intimacy and Sex should be prioritized. What do we do when things get stale in the bedroom? This area needs the highest forms of communication and respect. We all have needs. We all have wants. This goes back to trust and safety. Gents, when a woman feels truly safe, and in her feminine, she will undoubtably open a sex portal to God. This is also an area to be spontaneous in. Grab her and throw her up against a wall, make out in public, fuck in front of the fireplace. Men be masculine, women be feminine, let it flow.

10. Commitment to do the work. Get a coach/therapist, do a workshop. We must always be actively investing in our relationship. If we want to succeed, we have to do the work. In today’s self-help world there are many great coaches (including me!), therapists, groups and even schools that can help improve any relationship. Figure out what is important to both of you, and you will find what you are looking for. The right avenue for help will come to you and the right people will fall into your lap.

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