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  • Writer's pictureTracy Le Fleur

First Date Red Flags

We all have gut instincts. You know, you know what I mean. That ick, run for the hills vibe that takes over your whole body. The, I would rather eat kitty litter than finish this date vibe, and yet you decide to grit your teeth and smile away.

Ok, enough of that, I'd like to empower you to know that it is not a requirement of finding love to have to tolerate mindless dating anymore. It's OK to say peace, and be out.

First of all, Red Flags start with any little things that turn on your awareness. The way your date speaks to the server or bartender. Their sense of humor, as in what they feel is an appropriate boundary to push with the caveat, "it's a joke."

Do they engage when they converse, look you in the eye. Are they asking questions about you? Are they telling one self validating story after another? All of these red flags are subtle. We can easily disregard them, pass them off as first date nerves, or literally pretend we didn't notice. Your gut is going to keep telling you differently, so listen for once!

Is your date on their phone throughout? I don't care if it's working, checking in with a friend, I sure hope we're not taking pictures on each course of food or drink that comes out. If they hand you their phone to take a picture of them, I would advise you to run for the hills. If your date can't devote an hour to getting to know you distraction free, you can be sure you will always be the mistress to that cell phone.

Attitude, mood, vibes, frequency, depending on which world you are living in, it's all the same. I am not saying your date always needs to be a ray of sunshine, I mean we know you are though. If your date walks in a low vibe from the jump, traffic, bad day at work, whatever the excuse may be. Please understand this is probably their general nature. I would make a strong assumption you are dealing with a negative nancy. Again hear me say you can rationalize for them how this mood is justified or you can step into your worthiness and say hey sorry your day was bad, but I am standing right here. Shape up or ship out.

OK, how about this one. I say this from endless experience, that we all love a good love bomb. You know the immediate over the top neediness, clinging to affection or adoration from a perfect stranger who doesn't even know who you are yet. We get swept up in our own neediness and desperation. Finally! Someone loves me! By the end of the first date you have named all of your kids, planned for retirement, plan to grow old together. I get it! But pause, watch their cues. Is everything out of their mouth "me too!"

Oftentimes these slippery snake oil salesmen are amazing at matching your tone, your dreams, your desires. It's all a ploy to lock you in quickly before the claws come out. I'm not saying soulmates don't exist. I am saying check your gut. Is this too good to be true? It probably is.

Stepping into worthiness means giving them time to realize how irreplaceable you are by actually witnessing it.

I would also watch for any aggressive or controlling behavior. I know it's cute to think they want to be controlling or dominating in an "awe he is just so into me he wants me all to himself" type of way. Let's be clear, this usually turns into give me your cell phone password, I will give you an approved list of friends you can hang out with and it puts the lotion in the basket type of thing.

To wrap up I will get to my point. We are in a new year. This is the year of knowing who we are, what we want, and what we are no longer willing to tolerate. So when that little voice in your head starts to speakup, why don't you try to give it the floor. This is the year to level up. No crumbs accepted. So you can take your red flags and do you know what with them.

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