is the honeymoon phase over?
Is the honeymoon over?
In the beginning of a relationship, we're all hopped up on pheromones feel good sexy hormones and the excitement of uncharted territory. We easily put our needs and bones aside and hop in bed with our current idea of perfection. That is until shit hits the fan which is inevitable because it's what we do. So how are we to know when the honeymoon phase is over, and it's time to put in some work?
#1 The blame game. I know this one well, at one time, I may have been top of the leaderboard. When our own guilt and insecurities arise. We go to this technique. When we feel hurt and misunderstood and do not feel comfortable with our own emotions, blame. We attack, blame, call names. This all comes down to a lack of accountability and inability to express emotions. This calls for constructive communication.
#2 Excessive anger bitterness and resentment. If you start to find that everything bothers you the way they chew their food, their dirty socks in the bathroom floor when it all starts to make your skin boil, then you actually hit a big bump. Then when you actually hit a big bump, and it goes to DEFCON four, it's a sign that you may have been passive, holding on to too much unexpressed emotion and more than likely not getting your needs met. Anger is a normal emotion. Constructive expression of anger is healthy. This is not something that we learn to do. We hold it in for too long and we either explode or become resentful and cold. Resentment is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. We need to learn how to allow for healthy expressions of anger and be forthcoming with our emotions through open communication.
#3 Romance question mark? What's that? We all know this one. We start to get too comfortable life becomes routine. We forget all the little things that we did in the beginning to connect the spark. This is where the extra effort comes in. Intimacy connection must be constantly worked at we take for granted that the sparks will always just fly. But we all know that the fire can burn out quickly when not tended too.
#4 The power struggle. Oh yes, the struggle is real. We start to feel like our needs are going unmet and our wounds start to arise. We feel the need to protect we also feel the need to control. The power struggle comes when both partners are not feeling safe within the relationship. We struggle to grip tighter to control in hopes that we can create a false sense of safety. Unfortunately, this is always temporary. It's called a partnership. Time to start voicing our needs instead of demanding allow your partner to show up for you. You must choose each other every single day. The more connection you create. The more safety the less you need to fight for control. At the end of the day. Everything that we truly want is always worth fighting for instead of deciding the grass may be greener, try watering your own lawn.