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  • Writer's pictureTracy Le Fleur

Sorry jerry maquire, you don't complete me

Can we finally get rid of you complete me syndrome once and for all. As we move into this new year 2023, I feel the call in the relationship space to have a real paradigm shift. This is something that has been talked about for a while now, but we all keep coming back to it.” You complete me.” I know that it even feels good to say out loud. But let's talk about the truth. The reality no one can complete you. That's the problem from the get-go. That's the problem and the reason why we have so many failed relationships. We come into relationship feeling like we're broken, then like we're something that needs to be fixed. And then we meet “our person, “, and we feel some of those yummy, feel-good hormones. We have a little bit of chemistry and boom, we feel complete. I want to first get underneath what's really going on when we come together as a couple. No matter how hard we try to avoid this truth. We always come together in a relationship with a partner that reflects attributes of our parents, the good ones, and the bad ones. part of us is always recreating our childhood. In childhood, many of us well let's be honest, most all of us were forced to repress certain parts of ourselves. These become our shadow aspects, the parts of ourselves that we deny. When we felt like we were too much or too loud or misunderstood, and we put these parts of us away we tried to fit into a box that's going to give us the love and attention and the praise that we need. So, the whole saying opposites attract in partnership is not just to saying it really is true. Often, when couples come together, the opposite that you see in your partner is just the denied part of yourself. So, let's say for example, you're a shy person who tends to stay very introverted and keep your feelings to yourself. You may end up with a partner, seemingly opposite of you that is very loud and tense in their feelings and not afraid to vocalize them. You have this part of you, that starts to feel whole as you experience this part of your partner. It's a part of you that you've denied that has not been expressed within you. So when they mirror back to you those pieces that have been missing for so long, there's a wholeness that you feel so the feeling of wholeness really truly is there and we want to attribute it to our partner, but it's really within ourselves. So, the problem with feeling that it is our partner that completes us, however, is that now our love our completeness. Or wholeness becomes conditional. It feels great again, when we have those hormones rushing, the dopamine is flowing. We're feeling good. But then suddenly, we feel a little trigger, we hit a little bump, we started to get agitated. And the second that we do we feel that our love has been cut off the supply has been cut off. Love starts to feel conditional again. We start second guessing the entire relationship. Is he the one for me? Are we meant to be together? Maybe there's someone better out there etc. You know how the list goes? It's because that we linked our wholeness or self-acceptance, our self-love to this person. So, the moment that we feel that they've turned their energy away from us or closed their heart just a bit, we in turn closed our hearts to ourselves. When you come into partnership feeling whole and complete as two holes together, you just amplify each other when I met my partner now, I had just come from years of self-healing a nine-year marriage and I wasn't quite sure how love was to look anymore. I decided for once to let my heart be open and surrender to the experience. The first thing I felt when I met him was a sense of acceptance and unconditional love. I was seeing I was witness just as I am in a way I had never been before. And luckily because I had done my work. What that did to me was open and be my own self-acceptance. It's like the more he accepted me the more I accepted myself the more he loved me, the more I loved myself. I was lucky enough though to have the realization that wasn't him, causing this he was just mirroring back to me these thoughts these reflections and I knew that they were mine. I was grateful to him forever, however, for expanding me more and more but by holding on to him being the reason that I may allow myself to love myself means the second I don't feel His love that love is taken away. When you stay in a space of holding your own holding your own space holding your own vibration, knowing that the love for yourself is unconditional, that the self-acceptance is unconditional. When your partner triggers you in a third argument comes up. Your first thought is not to bolt, your first thought is not to run. You're able to sit there in awareness. You're able to discern what is happening, what is going on. And then you can get to the root of the problem. Then of course communication and conflict resolution come into play but that's a blog for another day. My point is when you remain sovereign to your being an unconditional space of love and acceptance for yourself. Your partner can't bother you. No one could bother you for that matter. We don't want to be independent. This is not to say we're not meant to find love. We are meant as human beings to come together. in partnership, but your partner is meant to help trigger you to be completely honest, but then help heal you as well. They're there to amplify the love. They're there to expand your capability for love. But it all starts with you. They cannot take what is yours your natural God given born right from the universe to be an ever-loving being. But they could expand it within you. You don't need to have a partner let's be clear you don't need anything outside of yourself. I didn't need to find this new man that I have. But I wanted to I desired to have him I desired to have someone to share experience with I desired to have someone to be on the journey with I desire to have someone to amplify love and joy and presence every single day, which is recognize the difference between the need and the desire. You're a perfect whole and complete just as you are. So, let's get super clear this year. You do not complete me, I complete me. I do not need you, but I desire you. Let's take that energy into the new year. And let's become the magnet to that love that we have always desired.

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