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  • Writer's pictureTracy Le Fleur

the things we do to turn men off: a matchmakers guide

The first turn off on my list:

#1 Playing Dumb. I mean, come on. Let's think about this ladies. This is really saying that you're okay to spend time with someone who doesn't value or respect you. This does not make you wife material. This makes you a booty call at best! With apps like Tinder and God knows what else is out there. I mean, you might not even be on that list. These chicks are a dime a dozen. When you devalue yourself and show yourself disrespect and essence, you're really betraying yourself. Knowing from the get-go, this relationship will go nowhere. If you are not showing up in value, there is almost zero way for your dude to find value in you either. Guys are looking for a confident woman. They want a woman who feels good in her skin, who feels confident in her voice and feels free to express herself. Now oftentimes, ladies, we feel like this is going to be a turnoff for men. But, authenticity, showing up knowing who you are is one of the most attractive qualities out there.

#2 Yes, I get it, this is opposite of number one. Try not to a know it all, at all overly knowledgeable or arrogant. I don’t mean to downplay your intelligence by any means. I know this may sound like I am totally contradicting myself. But sister, you have nothing to prove. We want to show up in our confidence we want to show up authentically but getting caught in the women are superior to men vibe is not only a turn off but tells the man you don’t need him anyways. Trying overly hard to prove yourself is not sexy. We want to show up as equals. No better no worse on the same playing field. This is also extremely attractive for men. We want a partner in life both men and women. So, remember, there's nothing to prove. be exactly who you are as you are, trust me, your due will appreciate it.

#3 Faking it in any way! Girl be authentic. This means sex too, how can your man even know what turns you on If you're always busy faking it? How can he know what you like to eat? What type of movies that you like? What's your sense of humor? If you're always putting on some false sense of reality? We live in this world of filters and masks. Guys don't appreciate that they want the real deal. So let them see the truth. Let them know who you are right from the get-go again. Believe me. They will adore the perfectly imperfect, beautiful little mess that you are.

#4 Being overly dramatic a gossip a drama queen. I mean look, I'm here for women to express themselves and to be all the things I mean a woman truly in her feminine, is happy, sad, mad, angry, crying, laughing screaming all within five seconds of each other. I know oftentimes, we get caught in oh you must be on your period. But that is the essence of the woman. So, I'm not saying to turn down the volume on your truth. What I am saying is turned down the volume on the gossip. A guy is not here to be your girlfriend to chit chat get caught up in all the drama. In all honesty, you shouldn't be about that either. You don't have enough time for that. You're a boss babe moving into this new world stepping up in all aspects of life and dating and relationships should be one of them. You don't have time to waste on what everyone else is doing, peeking into their lives while you're so busy. Fulfilling and pumping up yours.

#5 Lastly, nagging complaining, the game playing we like to do to get our needs met. I know that we have this little thing of women it's that deep little dark secret that we don't like to admit that we think we can kind of NAG and coerce our partner into being who we want them to be or doing what we want them to do or taking care of us in just the right way. Again, opposite is true. We want to learn to be great communicators. We need to ask for what we need and not be afraid. Oftentimes as women we feel like if we ask for something, we're going to be denied. Or more than anything. We feel like we're too much if you need something from your man be okay to ask him whether it's help taking out the trash help around the house. Maybe you need a hug. Maybe you need more attention. Be okay to just ask for what you need, rather than nagging and complaining. We also like to tell our men constantly what he's doing wrong hoping that's going to get him to do what we believe is right. Instead, just tell him what is right in your eyes. What is the thing that's going to make you happy? Give him the opportunity to do that for you.

At the end of the day, ladies, we are stepping into a new world a new paradigm where we own our value, know what we're worth. And we have strong boundaries. Just remember those strong boundaries don't mean pushing up against our men. It just means knowing what you deserve and knowing what you want, asking for it and be able to show up authenticity authentically. Your man will appreciate you for all these things more than you can imagine.

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