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  • Writer's pictureTate Kerkhoff

To Choose or Not to Choose,

This is the question with anything in life, right? No, I’m not talking about which restaurant to eat at. I spent last weekend reading Bryan Reeves’ book, Choose Her Everyday or Leave Her.

Much of this book resonated with me as Bryan and I share similar pasts. I’m sure many men will concur. I consistently went through relationship after relationship and struggled and failed and had heartbreak, two divorces, and still couldn’t figure out what was going wrong. How can anyone go decades of failing at something and not learn? It’s simple, because we choose to not learn. I could write a book about the experiences I’ve had throughout my adult life, hmm maybe I should. I didn’t realize at the time, my part in all my falters.

Choosing her. What does that even mean? Of course, I chose her, I am with her. Well, my friend, there is a difference between choosing to be with someone, and choosing someone, each day. Many men work tirelessly to attract, draw in, captivate, and court a woman. We spend most of our energy on getting the girl of our dreams to choose us. We go lengths not thought to be humanly possible, all to just stop, once we have her or have lied along the way. I am guilty of it all. I remember sitting on my riding lawnmower in my backyard literally drinking a beer while mowing and thinking to myself, I’ve done it. I’ve done all I need. I’ve made it. Ha, what a fool. I was a mere 29 years old. I was sitting content on that mower, not paying attention to my wife, not focusing on our relationship. While I sat basically basking in my own load of shit, she was making plans. Dreaming up a future, working on herself. What did I need to work on? I had made it right? I can look back now and be thankful for this heart wrenching lesson. It was the beginning of my subconscious path to consciousness. I wouldn’t learn how I contributed to all my failures, until nearly a decade after.

Fast forward to today. I am not as well rounded as I think I am, but I am lightyears from where I was. Subconsciously I started working on myself after that divorce. Unfortunately, it would take other failed relationships and ANOTHER marriage to completely wake me up to what I was bringing to the table. This is literally a conversation for a book (Bryan shows that), and I could talk endlessly about how my rigidness, ego, and know it all mentality led to the demise of multiple relationships with good hearted women.

So, what do we do? Well, it’s simple really. As simple as the title of the book. Choose Her, Every Day, or Leave Her. Simple statement, with the complexity of any Einsteinian theory. Choosing her, everyday is not for the faint of heart. An easy choice, with difficult and trying solutions. He makes a reference to “her” being your Mount Everest. Assuming most if not all of you haven’t climbed Everest. Think of what this might be like. One of the toughest things to accomplish in this world. It’s going to be an endless trek, an endless test. This life altering adventure of white knuckling, bold, tiring, demanding, taxing, near death experiences you will ever have. But think of the astounding views, glorious meadows, pristine peaks, perfectly manicured landscape, leading to the most accomplished achievement of your life. She is your Everest my man. Choose to scale her, conquer her. Choose her for all her glory and everything that comes with her. At times it won’t make any sense at all, but in that it will all make perfect sense. Take in all that she offers, allow her to just be who she is and see the tremendous beauty in her. You will not be disappointed.

You will not regret it. You will learn that within the challenge, within the climb, within the journey, the greatest growth, healing, learning, and achievement of your life. The greatest love you can ever imagine.

Today, I am climbing my Everest. Every nook, cranny, cliff, storm, frigid temperature and most arduous terrain known to man. She brings me all her glorious topography, her wondrous landscape. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and nothing I’ve ever experienced. She inspires me every day to be a man that could climb Mount Everest. This will be my greatest accomplishment. I’m choosing her every day, because she’s worth it, I am worth it, this love is worth it. I choose her every day, and in doing that, I feel like fucking King of the world.

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