Why am I still single? Insider tips from a Matchmaker.
Are you walking around daily with your head in the sand thinking, "am I the last single person on the planet?" "Am I not meant for love?" Do you start to try empowering yourself with words like "I am fine on my own or I am better off alone?"
Yes, I know what you are thinning and trust me that was me too. After a failed marriage a failed business, 3 small kids and what felt like the motherload of baggage. Stick with me, I am going to help you out of this one.
When you start questioning yourself or your capability to find and keep love you are really only questioning your own value and worthiness. To double down on that we often create an image of a mythical unicorn partner just to prove to yourself there is no one out there for you or that we must not be lovable.
My crazy list was so long, this person was impossible to find and it kept reinstalling my belief "I must be too hard to love." "Love will never find me." I want to drive something home right now. The "it's not you it's me" mentality is actually the truth. You are the only thing getting in the way.
Let's go back to the title of this blog. "Why are you still single?" Because you don't think deep down you are worthy of love, admit it or not that is the main contributing factor to your situation. So this will push it away or create crazy expectations that no one can ever live up to, to protect yourself from being let down or hurt.
We are on this earth to love, be loved, share love, give love, receive love. Any other thought on this is wrong. We are not here to work ourselves to death, accumulate more shit, or prove we are living our best life through more things and REELS and #roseallday.
Some of you may feel at peace with being alone at this point, and I assure you after endless years of studies in the field of love and relationships, it is our purpose as human beings to be in a relationship. It's where we grow, heal, learn and transform at the highest level. Relationships will teach you the deepest level of self acceptance and give you a true taste of unconditional love.
Ok, back to why the hell you are single if this is life's purpose?
You are afraid!
Again, it's not them, it's you. Time to take accountability. Not many of us were raised in perfect hallmark movie homes. We all carry wounding and trauma, most of which told us love is conditional and based on performance and people pleasing and it can be taken away without a moment's notice.
No wonder why we are all so afraid of letting love in.
So this article is probably not turning out to be what you thought it would. There is no magical formula or cure for your single diagnosis, but I will clue you in on a little secret. You are the problem, but you are also the solution.
This is now a game of vulnerability. It is not a test of believing you are someone to be loved fully and wholly. Like I said from my own dumpster fire of a childhood and failed marriage it's hard to not feel burned or scarred. It's hard to not build up that protective wall nd then surround that with barbed wire and a laser force field.
The question of why you are single will always be weighed against your ability to cut the power to the electric fence and call off the guard dogs accompanied with your desire to step into a space of worthiness. We accept the love we think we deserve or lack thereof.
So I will offer you a reframe. It comes from a space of self accountability. Instead of asking, why am I single, is there anyone out there for me? Ask what you can do to become the magnet for love. How can I let my walls down? How can I remind myself how fucking awesome I am?
Step into a state of being that says "I wanna date me!" Don';t be afraid to get hurt. There is no such thing as heartbreak, there are only lessons in love. Strive to love yourself more. Strive to let the walls down, and trust that your partner or potential partner is building themselves into the perfect partner for you.
Let this be the year where you stop questioning, stop searching, and start loving yourself into a magnetic gushy ball of soulmate love.